I started this journey of self-help and inspiration through my own experience in life. My life is hard for anyone to imagine let alone journey through.
I came from a loving family of 13. Life was exciting and filled with laughter and joy. I was one of 11 siblings and the middle child. On May 3, 1978, early that morning I watched while my home was on fire, which would then take the lives of my mother and five of my siblings. The following year would bring the loss of my father while vacationing. At the age of 14 I was an orphan with my five remaining siblings. I and my five siblings moved into a home with my Uncle and Aunt. Although my Aunt and Uncle tried to do their best raising a family who just lost so much, I seemed to have great difficulty with the situation; and left their home to live with my eldest brother who was moving out. As a teenager with no direction and uncertainty, I struggled to find my way in life. I was a fighter but also stubborn to accept help, feeling like I could do it alone. I had such a strong will and believed that I could be as strong as my mother was.
When I was 20, I met the love of my life, my soul mate and felt like life had given me a second chance at happiness. I and my husband Al would have a love for each other like no other. We lived together for five years before getting married and then began our lives with the hopes and dreams of having children, a family of our own. I loved children and often would tell my mother I was going to surpass her 11 with having 12. Shortly after our marriage I would find out I was expecting our first child. The happiness that this brought us both was indescribable, but would be followed with yet another loss. At 24 weeks, I went into premature labour and gave birth to a baby girl, who we named Karly. Karly survived for four days at which time she passed in the arms of myself and my husband, Al. The loss of my first child was just another setback for me, but with my husband by my side our love for each other grew stronger with each passing day. One year later I gave birth at 34 weeks to a son, Taylor. I and Al would soon find out that our son had a rare and fatal kidney disease. After a year battle and several surgeries, Taylor would succumb to his disease at home in my arms with my husband beside me. I would go on to have another pregnancy only to find out this child also carried the disease. We both decided to try and have our family another way, to adopt.
November 1995 would bring joy to both of us with the birth of our daughter, who we adopted. Life seemed to be moving forward for me and happiness filled our lives yet again. Eventually, we decided to adopt a second child and received news that we were to have another baby girl placed with us. Shortly after that we found out the most devastating news yet to come in my life. I lost my husband after a short 4 months struggle with the diagnosis of cancer that would take his life. This loss was more than I could handle. I knew the second adoption wasn’t yet finalized, (although the baby had lived with us for all this time), I made the decision to have another family adopt her. I knew what it was like to grow up without parents, and was in a position to give both this child a father and another family who so dearly wanted children, a child. I was able to be part of choosing the family and to date has seen how that decision I made was one that will never be with regret. The only regret is that I, along with my husband and my daughter who was 4 year’s old at the time, would not be a part of this child’s life and our life would be on a different path now. Life would bring more struggle and complete emptiness to me. The pain that I felt not only inside myself but for my daughter was so overwhelming. Over the years, life without Al was surreal for me and very lonely.
I tried very hard to make a life for my daughter and I, but there was always something just not there, emptiness, a heart that felt broken and so scarred. The thought of happiness just never seemed possible again. My battles were not over, I was diagnosed with Breast cancer in 2010 and had two surgeries followed by chemotherapy and radiation. Addiction to pain medication would soon be the only way I felt that life would feel like living. It allowed me to escape the reality of what my life’s journey had been.
I found myself experiencing pain and suffered a seizure which hospitalized me for two days, at which point I decided, by the grace of something or someone, that it was time to find who I was. I realized that from the time I lost my parents to the loss of my husband, I didn’t even know who I was. My life was spent running to find better, always wanted to make others feel good, but not allowing that for myself. For the next two years I dedicated my life to getting and feeling better and finding what makes me who I am and why I had made it through such a journey of loss. I knew that there was a purpose for my life and needed to find what it was that kept me going. I studied a lot of yoga particularly Bikram, which allowed me to dig deeper into my soul and find the answers. Through mentors that I studied and was guided by, like Mother Teresa, Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss,, Mya Angelou, David Hawkins, Esther and Jerry Hicks, Oprah Winfrey “Soul Sunday” and dear friends Mildrid and Linda, who truly changed my life and brought me to a place of knowing who I was and what I wanted to do. I often feel that the Universe and a power much greater than myself wanted this for me, and I could see that now. I felt it was time for me to give back, not only to the Universe but all who struggle for happiness, peace and finding a place to love themselves and taking the time to find their purpose and live it. I truly feel inspired to have my life experience’s and journey be an inspiration to others. This is how pebbles stones and boulders started. I dedicate this site to all who feel that life has given up on them, and to know that everything you go through in life is bringing you closer to your dreams, whether you believe or not. Just know we were meant to live life not the race to the end. Don’t die with the music still in you.